Ok, so my firneds and I are starting to collobarate on a book about things that we all suffer through as members of the service field.  Grocery store, gas station, fast food, anybody that has a story of the people that drive you crazy that they should know better is welcome to contribute, but yeah, working on a book now, should be fun.

Other than that, things are just kinda going along, nothing too exciting, but just going smoothly for now.

Just wanted to update quickly, that's all.

The engagement is now off.  I had a minor nervous breakdown and he turned tail and ran.  I was mad and broken for a while, but now I've come to realize that it was the best thing to happen to me.

After crying for a couple days, I looked at my life and realized that I can't spend all my time looking at myself through others eyes.  I'm happy with who I am and where my life is going.  I have my friends that I can rely on through thick and thin, good and bad, and that if he can't handle a little crisis like I had, then maybe I don't want to be with someone who isn't strong enough for himself to be able to give back to me what I need occasionally.  He helped me realize that I do have stregnth to go through the trials that life has set me without anyone but myself and be able to come through strong and more or less intact.  I can say that this has made me see alot of the attributes that people have told me I possessed, but couldn't see in myself. 

I don't know if I can ever fully forgive him for breaking the trust that he swore he never would, but I do have to thank him for making me realize that I'm the strong, brave, warrior that I knew deep down was there, but never really allowed myself to see.

Alot has happened since I last posted here.  I'm now engaged to one of the wonderful men I was worried about in my last post while the other one is happy to remain best friends.  We're hopefully going to be getting official sometime this year, just not sure when yet, but it is going to happen.

 My family life is getting more unstable as everyone of the women with the exception of myself is seemingly trying to inflict as much emotional pain on eachother as they possibly can.  I'm just standing back trying to stay out of the line of fire with my grandfather and uncle while they battle out whatever it is they're fighting about now.

Work wise my wonderfull boss is making sure that I can't get to any of my social events so I've been pretty much isolated from the community at large, which is kinda getting lonely, but other than that it's kinda good because my lovely husband to be isn't much liked in some of the circles I travel in.

All in all life is good.

Ok, this past week has been just weird and almost horrid, but not quite.  I've finally got something that resembles a love life, though now that I have one it's already gotten complicated.  We had a death in the family earlier in the month, and yesterday I managed to flood my main bathroom and the closet in my grandma's room due to a washer malfunction while trying to shower and get ready for an appointment.

I've been feeling drawn to two diffrent guys at the moment, but one of them told me he wasn't really wanting a relationship right now, but he wants me to move in with him because both of us want to get out of our familys' homes (he lives with his mom and dad, I with my grandparents) but there's this other guy that we just clicked recently and I really enjoy spending time with, so I don't know, I guess I'll see where it goes.

Well, Samhaine was fun, I had to go to class, and I had a major tension headache from spending too much time with my mom and sister, but other than that, it was fun and eventfull.  I kinda did a cheap Harry Potter based costume (I was Tonks compleate with pink hair) because I lent my mother my good Madrical costume so she would have something to wear.  Kept getting pelted with candy corn by the maintence men in out complex because they thought it was cool that someone my age was dressed up just for the fun of it.  I wasn't complaining because I missed out on National Candy Corn Day and it was left over packets from that so I was doing pretty good.

Well, I think that's about all that's been going on with me.  Nothing much as usual except for random exploding washers (still don't know how I managed to flood almost two seprate rooms) and I think I'll leave it at that.

The last couple days have been just intresting and weird on so many levels. 

 First off, my guy friend of 14 years has been doing this ping pong kinda thing between acting like he's intrested in a deeper relationship and not intrested.  He's even went as far as to buy me a ring, but then tell me that he never wants to get involved with a woman.  He's also asked me to start teaching him witchcraft from all aspects because it fits in with his philosophy of life and finds that he's already come to the conclusion that my path is right for him and just wants to learn more.

The second thing that's just been intresting for me is the fact that I've actually had the time to start seriously praticing my own path again after a time of serious obsticles that just seemed to drain me of any energy to be able to do anything.  I actually had a period of time without interruptions to celebrate the full moon and the equniox and it's looking like I may have more time like that in the future if things keep going as smoothly as they have been.

I'm just finding that I've achieved a sense of balance over the last few weeks that I've never had before and I'm enjoying it so much.  I'm going to strive to keep this going and not let myself get all out of kelter again because it's just a yucky feeling.